DEAREST FRIEND,

PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE

My solicitors advise that you will not believe a word of this. Very well. I enclose sixteen (16) photographs and one (1) moving picture, taken at great personal risk:

THE METHOD

The operation stands on three (3) legs, each bought and upgraded separately. Starve one and the other two sit idle:

1. SCRAPE, for supply. No contacts, nothing to send. A Scraper harvests them daily, a Refinery filters out the poor, an Amplifier delivers them in bundles. They pile into my hand until it is full, and a full hand leaves the machines idle.
2. TYPE, for speed. The keyboard is a build, not a purchase. Cartridges slot into the bay for quicker keys, longer life, and even an autopilot. Three (3) slots and more good cartridges than that, so I match them to the contacts in front of me.
3. HACK, for efficiency. Typing alone has a ceiling. The skill tree buys a bigger hand, more addresses on the CC line, longer combos, fatter margins, a surer way past the spam filter, and new applications for the desktop. Bought once, mine forever.

THE ARRANGEMENT

The business proceeds in five (5) steps, as follows:

1. CLAUSE THE FIRST. My machines print contacts while I sleep. They arrive in my hand as cards: a retiree, a crypto enthusiast, a clerk of banking.
2. CLAUSE THE SECOND. I pick one out of the hand and drag it onto the letterhead. The rest can ride along on the CC line, so a single letter reaches them all.
3. CLAUSE THE THIRD. I type the pitch, and every keystroke knocks a keycap loose. They tumble down the page and settle in a heap: coins, heat, junk, a rare diamond, and a bomb I would rather not touch. None of it can be lifted while I am still typing.
4. CLAUSE THE FOURTH. I press SEND and the gauge runs on the second monitor. My typing decides how wide the good bands are; the mark decides how much of them I am allowed to reach. Then I press LOCK. There is no undo key in this world or any other.
5. CLAUSE THE FIFTH. The page comes back and I have six (6) seconds to strip it bare. The mark decides how, and there are five (5) ways: SWEEP runs the cursor over it, CHISEL cracks each icon until it opens, DOZER herds the heap into the far edge, PINBALL takes everything it strikes, and LASER charges and burns from above. Coins bank as money, diamonds as reputation, heat as heat. By then the machines have printed more.

RISK DISCLOSURE

My solicitors further insist I disclose that every sent email resolves as one (1) of the following outcomes:

the typing sets the odds. the mark's hidden quality sets the stakes. the heat, dearest friend, is non-refundable.

THE CROWN'S CUT

My clock is a button. It sits on the Start menu, it reads END DAY, and my contacts, my heat, my debts and the market all wait politely until I press it. Nothing runs while I am away from the desk.

Every contact card I did not use is destroyed when the day ends. And every few days the crown collects its share of everything I have been making, a share that grows each time I pay it. I do not recommend missing one. My uncle collects either way.

"the crown requires $400, nephew. you have three (3) days to find it."

GRAND THEFT EMAIL

An icon on my desktop reads Grand Theft Email, which is as much subtlety as anyone around here manages. I double-click it, the camera pulls me down into the monitor, and I am out of the chair and on the street in a top down pixel world: the same coast I have been staring past all game.

A beach village of wooden huts. A paved city one screen west. A volcano one screen east, which stays shut until I am somebody. The bank takes deposits a raid cannot touch.

"machines? nobody carries boxes across town for that any more, oga. you buy that from your own desk now."

CAPABILITIES OF MY OPERATION

You will ask: is this prince serious? Friend, my desktop is crowded, and it includes:

• MULEMAIL. wherein the con is typed, one keystroke at a time, upon a keyboard of three (3) dimensions
• CONTACTS. a binder of marks, organized as collectible cards, of rarities COLD through LEGENDARY
• GTE (GRAND THEFT EMAIL). a beach village, a paved city and a smoking volcano, explorable on foot
• THE LAGOS STOCK EXCHANGE. stonks. nine (9) market phases, none of them your friend
• WANTED.EXE. five (5) stars of police attention. installs itself. cannot be uninstalled by crying
• CROWNCHAT. His Majesty King Adebayo (my uncle, and my ultimatum), my cousin James (a coward), and Dr. Crypto (a doctor, allegedly)
• THE ROYAL TREASURY. raid-proof deposits, and loans with interest rates best described as predatory

A PRIVATE CHANNEL

Before you commit to anything, come and inspect the operation at close range. I keep a room where the work is posted as it happens: builds before they ship, the marks that got away, and the occasional key.

TO PROCEED

I await your response with the patience of a man who has refreshed his inbox eleven (11) times since beginning this sentence.

Truly Yours,
Anton Pawlik
Fun Per Frame

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